Why?  Because one of the reasons that I detest going out shopping is because inevitably, I will always be behind some douchebag who is counting out money. 

~~~~~~~

Cashier:  Your total is $56.96.

Douchebag:  *digs around in their giant suitcase sized purse* Twenty, thirty, thirty-five, forty, forty-one, forty-two, forty-three, forty-four, forty-five, forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty two.....oh...lemme see....Twenty, twenty-five, thirty-five, forty, forty-five, forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty-three, fifty-four, fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty------wait, I have change!  Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty, fifty-five, sixty, sixty-five, seventy, seventy-five, eighty, eighty-five....oh...I don’t have enough...lemme just give you another dollar. 

Cashier:  From $57.00....

Douchebag:  WAIT!  Lemme give you the six cents.  One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six.

Cashier:  From $57.06.  Your change is ten cents.

Douchebag:  Can you give me two fives for this ten?  Do you have a roll of quarters?

Me:  OH MY FUCK.  MOVE THE FUCK ON BEFORE I SLAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!

Douchebag:  *glares at me as though I were the one being retarded*

Twenty minutes later...after Douchebag gets all her change put away.

Cashier:  Your total is $56.96.

Me:  *swipes debit card, enters pin and waits 10 seconds or less*

Cashier:  *hands me my receipt*

~~~~~~~

WHY DO THEY DO THAT?  I propose that cash be eliminated.  Just think of the savings from not having to print dollars or mint coins!  Not to mention the savings of TIME which is much more precious to me than anything else right now since I don’t seem to have much of it.  Just swipe your debit card and move the hell on.  Companies would save money too because the cashiers would be more efficient not having to count change and wait on people like Douchebag.

She’s at peace now.  For that I am thankful.  She is no longer in pain.  For that I am thankful.  I’m also thankful that I knew Lisa.  I’m thankful for the time that she and I spent on her one-woman blogathon on her Rock Bitch blog one night when she and I got to know one another a lot better.  I’m thankful that she got to spend some quality time with her family before she passed.

Still.

Fuck cancer.  I hope it chokes.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Jennifer Love

Why?  Because working with “The GP” gives me tourettes.  Now, I’m not playin’ y’all.  I’m not saying that to be mean to tourettes sufferers.  And I’m not just saying that because some tourettes sufferers say curse words or inappropriate things.  No, when I’m out with these people, I have other issues.  Tics.  Things I can’t control.

Maybe I have social anxiety.  But I’m not really that way around other situations....just when I’m working.  I have work tourettes.

Examples:

* I see someone walking down the aisle and I say to them, “Hi!  Are you finding everything okay?” Now y’all should know by now that I do not give two shits about whether they’re finding things okay.  It just comes out of my mouth without me even knowing until it is out.

* I walk up to the counter and I smile. WTF?  I KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME.  I DON’T SPONTANEOUSLY SMILE AT PEOPLE EVER. 

* I’ll help a customer and be all smiley, selling, selling, smile, smile, thanks, smile, smile, have a great day, smile, smile.  Then I turn around and I feel like my head is going to explode unless I make a face that tells other around me just how much I fucking hate “The GP.”

* If someone asks me for something that I don’t really want to do or asks me to go somewhere that I don’t want to go, I curse (you KNEW cursing was going to show up eventually, right?)...I curse enough to make a sailor blush.

So you see, there is no way that I should be allowed out in public.  I never know how I’ll react to the ignorance of some people. Some people make my eye twitch.  Some people make me spontaneously smile.  And if you know a SINGLE THING about me, you’ll know that I AM NOT LIKE THAT EVER.  That both an eye twitch and a smile are, in my book, equally horrifying.  I’m pretty sure I need to be medicated.

Anyway, my new hairs:

Keep in mind that this is a photograph of a photograph so the quality is notsogood.

Anyway, thought you’d all enjoy my BIG ASS PERMED HAIR.  *snort*  

You KNEW it was coming, right?  Of course you did. 

So, anyway, here is Dixie’s costume for this year.  Actually, it is a bit large for her but the Small looked so little and the medium is what I usually buy her...but I guess I should have gotten the small.  I mean, I can alter it and take in the straps and stuff...but yeah, I’m kinda lazy. 

Isn’t this a look?  LOL!  She looks so put-out by it. heh Actually, she was in hate with standing on the folding table.  She knows when she stands on the folding table that she is either getting her nails clipped or brushed with THE OMFG RAKE...which isn’t a rake but is just a comb that strips her undercoat.  Anyway, she hates it.

I guess I could have brushed her hair but that would have added to the trauma of being on the table.

I LOVE this picture of her.  This is the look she gives me when she thinks I’m being a FUCKWITTED MORON.

And this one!  With the ears...they make me LOL to death!

So yeah anyway, Happy Halloween.  Have fun taking your children to strange houses and begging for food.  Hope that works out for ya’.

What the fuck am I talking about?

This:

Is it me or is that Creamy Sweet Corn Soup frowning?  :(

What. The. Fuck?  Now, I don’t know what the hell the people at Purina People Chow (Jack In the Box, you see, the chain of restaurants used to be owned by Ralston Purina..makers of Puppy Chow and Dog Chow and Cat Chow....thus, they are referred to by me as Purina People Chow ) were thinking when they approved this commercial, but I think it is slightly disturbing and WAY annoying.  In fact, Jack In the Box had another annoying commercial a few years back.  It featured a bologna eater (you see, I refer to single men who have crappy, dirty cars or those who wear sweat pants as bologna eaters because no one in their right mind would ever have a crappy, dirty car or wear sweat pants unless they were single and nearing middle age losers with crappy jobs, thus meaning they ate stupid, cheap food like bologna sandwiches as they trotted along in their WoW game in their mother’s basement) anyway...it was this guy who was eating this huge-ass burger and shit was dripping off of it and he was making slurpy sounds and eating like a bologna eater would eat (in my imagination) which is all loud and messy and without a fork and knife or napkin.

Anyway.  I hate Jack in the Box commercials.  Though their breakfast burritos are kinda good even if they do have potatoes in them.  And their tea is good...but not as good as McDonald’s iced tea. 

A woman that I know casually told me that she was not voting for Barack Obama because of his name.  *blink blink blink* Then she goes on to say, “You know, that name.  I don’t trust it.  I mean they say he isn’t, but I just can’t know.  I mean, his father was.” *blink blink blink*

A NAME?  You aren’t voting for someone because of a name?  I’m not voting for Barack Obama because I don’t agree with most of what he says...not because of his race, his gender, what he had for breakfast, what color his tie is, whether or not he is regular, what religion he is or is not, how many socks he owns or his name.

I was floored, y’all.  I didn’t know what to say.  I couldn’t even pretend like I didn’t know what she was trying to say.  All I could do was blink.  I mean, I live in the People’s Republic of California.  Peace, love, equality for all...and the rest of that happy horse shit. 

I really hate ignorance.

Here is the link to my Etsy shop...if y’all are ever interested in buying some of these cards that I slave away hours and hours to make.  (Okay, maybe not that long...but some are at least an hour!) And yes, I will ship to other places besides the US and Canada.  I gotta find a cheap place to buy mailing envelopes so I can reduce the shipping price.  Obviously the ones that are more time consuming or have more “product” on them are more than the less fancy ones.  They all come with an envelope but be aware...if you plan to mail the card to someone, you will have to pay additional fees to the postal person...because of the bulk of the card.

ANYway…

Here is a sample of what I have in my shop:

So, I went through my Flickr friends list and chose a few at random.  Can you guess who they are?    Some worked well and other fell far short.  heh

>br>

Anyway...anyway! 

So I haven’t shared a foot picture with you guys lately.  Oh wait.  Have I shared any foot pictures with you?  I’m sure I have but maybe you don’t know the story....so....here it is.  Wherever I go and whomever I’m with at the time, I must take a photograph of my feet.  We usually try to pick cool spots like the beach in Kauai where the chick “washed that man right outta her hair” and the place in Boston where they did that massacre thinggy.  I have a whole collection of them from all over the place.  So, I was thinking the other day that I don’t have a good foot picture from here in my house....sooo....I leave you with my latest foot picture.  Notice the unpainted piggies?  Yeah, why bother when they’re crammed inside a closed toe shoe like we’re required to wear at work.  Yeah, like dropping those BIG HEAVY GIGANTOR pills on them is going to hurt them.  Actually, some of the bottles of pills at the pharmacy are kinda big.  The ones that we fill a lot of come in BIG HEAVY GIGANTOR bottles before we divvy them up into eency bottles and sell them to people for a bazillion dollars or whatever it costs for a prescription drug these days.



This_little_piggy._._.hehe_.jpg

Later, y’all!

Then there is shampoo from London, Paris, New York, Tokyo, Los Angeles.  Oh yeah, because that helps my decision making.  Thanks.  Why not shampoo from Cleveland or Rancho Cucamonga?

AND THEN there are endorsements...endorsed by Allure Magazine, Glamour magazine, 4x4 Trucks magazine, Photography magazine....I even saw one that said, “Endorsed by blondes.” Well THAT is a rousing fucking endorsement, eh? 

I just wanted shampoo that doesn’t stink so much it makes me want to die.  I just wanted a shampoo that says, “CLEANS YOUR HAIR AND DOESN’T MAKE IT FALL OUT.”

For the record, I went with John Frieda Sheer Blonde shampoo and conditioner because it smelled the best.  EVEN THOUGH I don’t have blonde hair.  I’m such a rebel.